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Wednesday, July 16, 2008

A Quality-Time Engagement...

Am I going crazy? I’ve been wondering lately. My fiancé, Matt, is the absolute man of my dreams. I’ve never known a man like him, so deeply responsible, so caring and always determined to do the right thing by others. I love him so much it hurts, and have since the day I literally fell at his feet –
And he loves me the same way. At least, I think he loves me the same way. We fell in love so fast, and were engaged so soon, I thought I'd found a miracle: that a wonderful, handsome, caring man like Matt truly loved me…me, plain, red-haired Julie Montgomery, who in no way fits into his socialite world…
But then his father died, the family business went on the rocks – and he had to save 400 jobs. Of course he did. He’s making something he hopes will revolutionize the boating industry – he’s a marine engineer, but really, is more of an inventor. It’s some sort of water converter for boating engines, I think – he kept it a secret even from me, in case of competitors. He’s had to work really long hours on it, early morning to late at night. I understand it, I really do. But since it was patented and was a success, pulling McLachlan Marine Industries our of the red, and the media took an interest, he’s still working the same hours. He comes to see me, of course, and it’s always wonderful while it lasts…but when I only see him for an hour, and then nothing but the occasional phone call or a fly-by visit for days, and he keeps promising, I'll make it up to you…
I guess the simple truth is, I'm beginning to wonder if he ever truly loved me at all.
And now my darling friends at The Wedding Belles are taking turns finding men of their own to love, and spending their time with them as I do - did - with Matt, when we fell in love. It's only natural, and I’m so happy for them; but I guess the only way to put it is, I’m feeling lost.
It wouldn’t be so hard if all my family wasn’t 10,000 miles away in Australia. I wouldn’t be feeling so lonely, or crying myself to sleep at night, if just sometimes, he would not thank me for being so understanding as he has to go back to work or to a press conference; if he’d just look at me, and know I’m not always as strong as he thinks, and hold me…
But how can I tell him, when he’s being so selfless? How do I say to him, Matt, please look at me and see I’m trying not to cry? Please stay with me, just this once? Matt, I feel so alone, without family or even friends now, and I need you? I can’t say it. I just can’t.
Especially when he’s throwing me the Engagement Party of the Season in two weeks.
I just wish the media wasn’t taking such an interest in me. As if I didn’t already feel unworthy of my wonderful man – now I have to be gentle and gracious and dignified, all the things I’m not. I’m kind of a free spirit, you know? And Matt loves – loved – that in me.
I hope he meant what he said: that he’ll have more time for me soon. After the engagement party. Is it so wrong to want him to put me first, just once in a while?

Julie, general assistant at The Wedding Belles


Blogger Brandy said...

It's not wrong. What's being felt is not wrong. It sounds like a talk needs to be had. Good Luck.

July 16, 2008 at 1:56 PM  
Blogger Ellen said...

It may not be wrong but you need to tell him how you feel or you may find yourself hating him and ruin all that you have together.

July 16, 2008 at 3:07 PM  
Blogger robynl said...

I definitely agree that this has to come out in the open and be discussed. He might not realize how serious you are and how you really feel. Talk!!!

July 16, 2008 at 3:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Something about this smells fishy to me. Sounds like there is someone on the side. I think you need to talk BEFORE you have this engagement party. If it is like this now, I don't see it getting any better.

July 17, 2008 at 3:45 PM  
Blogger Melissa James said...

You know, you're all right. I have to ask. It's the not knowing that makes my imagination go overtime.

And now he tells me he has to go to Florida for a week - just ten days before our engagement party. He says it's "family business". I didn't know he had family there. I asked him what business, since I'm now family, but he says he'll tell me later. He'll make it up to me later. It's always later - and "later" never comes.

I'm beginning to wonder what I do know about this man...


July 17, 2008 at 11:19 PM  
Blogger Nathalie said...

Talking is key to a healthy relationship!

July 27, 2008 at 3:42 PM  

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